Perpetual Doom

EEYORE“It’s snowing still,” said Eeyore gloomily.

“So it is.”

And freezing.”

“Is it?”

“Yes,” said Eeyore. “However,” he said, brightening up a little, “we haven’t had an earthquake lately.”

I feel connected to Eeyore’s soul right about now at the end of first semester.  This dramatic attitude of perpetual doom and sorrow isn’t unfamiliar.

Wake up.

Go to school.

Do homework.

Go to sleep.

Repeat.

My life seems to have become this monotonous routine; a routine that isn’t broken from or easy to escape.  With such a pessimistic attitude as I go through the year, it isn’t a surprise that I’m not necessarily enjoying it.  I’m being an Eeyore.  Of course it’s hard when you have that perspective, and of course you get stressed and feel like you’re “carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders” as you go through. However although these Eeyore feelings do come in regular occurrence, it’s important to remind oneself to keep things in perspective.

How successful I am in school, or whether I get the highest marks on every assignment, doesn’t reflect who I am as a person.  My identity isn’t found in school, and it’s hard to remember that; especially because school is the single focus of most high school juniors.

Also I don’t think it is the actual classes so much as the work load that are hard.  I really enjoy most every class I’m apart of and I feel like I’m actually learning things, it’s just balancing everything that is hard. It’s my first year doing AP’s and my AP Language and Composition class has been the most interesting english class I’ve ever been in.

One of the first things that really sparked my attention was when our teacher proclaimed we had been taught from a tiny view point on writing essays.  That the way we were required in school to write, wasn’t necessarily how the world writes, and this gave a whole new, interesting, free perspective to writing.  I think one of the challenges always on my mind from that point on through the semester was how to venture from that box of uncreative methodical writing.  In going out on a limb, sometimes it worked, and sometimes it didn’t- but the freedom to try new things was satisfying and sometimes the grade it resulted in didn’t really matter.

This was also quite a challenge in the sense that writing no longer had the easy formula to follow, the teacher no longer wanted us to spit back information with a three-pronged thesis and 5 body paragraphs, but rather wanted us to deeply analyze and eloquently express our opinions on  a topic.  It has been a slow transition into this new and obviously harder writing, but it feels like real writing now rather than giving in a paper filled with robotic responses.  In the reflection of my writing from the grades I was receiving, again I turned into an Eeyore.  “I must be a terrible writer” or “I don’t think I will ever live up to this class’s expectations” might have run through my head occasionally, and maintaining positivity was the biggest challenge.

However I think this experience has helped me grow as a high school student, as cliche as it sounds. Not being 100% successful and having to work really hard to achieve even average grades, has proved more beneficial then gliding through easier classes and maintaining high grades. I’m challenged and although it’s frustrating sometimes, it’s developing me as a writer and that’s what is important.

In looking into the future of the class, I just hope for improvement and development in writing by the end of the year.  Of course if I can achieve this goal, without turning into Eeyore and deciding I’ll never be able to do it, I think that overall I’ll be more successful and enjoy the class more.

Although yes maybe it has been a gloomy first semester, it has also brought well earned growth, and that in itself is encouraging.

Now one more melodramatic quote for you 🙂

“Could be worse. Not sure how, but it could be.” – Eeyore

 

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One thought on “Perpetual Doom

  1. I love how you open and conclude this post (Eeyore may be one of my favorite literary characters of all time). And I think you do a great job of communicating the challenges (and joys?) of this semester. I love your attitude, Ashton — your willingness be in an uncomfortable space for the sake of growth.

    Liked by 1 person

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